1. Sing a song of Watergate--
A pocket full of spies--
Four and twenty blue beards with
fingers in the pie--
When the pie was opened
the beards began to sing--
"He's a knave, and he's depraved
but I don't know a thing!"
2. The king was in his counting house
counting on his flunkies--
The queen and all the princesses
are fast becoming junkies--
And all the country bumkins,
the hungry and the poor,
are soundly spanked and put to bed
or sent away to war.
3. One day I flipped the TV on
not having much to do--
And there appeared our fearless Chief
to say a word or two.
He said "My fellow Americans"
I'm pure as pure can be--
But as your king, I take the full
4. I'm just a humble fellow with
a family and a dog--
And several million dollars worth
of California smog--
I wouldn't stoop to such a trick
it makes me want to weep
I'm just a victim of the
crummy company I keep!
5. They say I should cooperate
and give them all the tapes--
And take down all the microphones
I've hidden in the drapes--
But it's in the national interest
that the tapes stay here with me--
At least until I've had the time
to fix them properly.
6. It would undermine the folks to learn
the president's profane
To find that he is just a crook
and not at all insane--
The country thrives on fantasy
on slogans it depends--
Besides, the boys I've slandered are
my very closest friends!
7. And as I watched, I had the thought
that things looked mighty tense--
and every time he shook his jowls
and said "Coincidence!"--
Now, he can't believe we're all that dumb!
This has to be a plan--
For some heroic deed that means
the betterment of man!
8. I am a man of principle--
I never sold used cars--
I do not chew tobacco
and I do not frequent bars--
I certainly will not resign
I'm not a man who quits--
and if you don't believe me, then
you're just a bunch of ----- (expletive)
9. Oh Richard dear, I think I know
It all comes clear to me!--
I am ashamed I doubted you
and your sincerity.
It's plain, you are a martyr--
a sacrificial goat!
If ever you should run for Pope
you're sure to get my vote!
10. Why our country is united
as it's never been before--
As with the voice of one, we shout
"Shove him out the door!"
Republicans and Democrats are
chummy as can be--
You are a scoundrel and a fraud
you're Uncle Sam to me!
11. So sing a song of Watergate
of Richard let us sing.
The history books will praise him
as, our Kamikaze King--
He saw a land divided, and he
brought back harmony--
By offering the people
a common enemy!