1. Now, Harold and me, we decided maybe
it was time for us to have a baby
but the family trees looked so pathetic
that we decided .. it must be genetic!
So why take a chance on Natural Selection
when a little engineering could produce perfection!
So we called the local BABY MART and said, "A-hem ..
Won't you bring us .. some of them ...
CHORUS: Designer Genes .. Designer Genes!
You can look just like a model in a magazine
in your Designer Genes!
2. Well, the man said he'd be right down to meet us.
Gonna mix us up a SUPER-DUPER .. custom fetus!
We said .. "Make it a boy .. just like Mick Jagger ..
with a body like Arnold Schwarzennager ..
.. Some of Howard Hughes's money makin' expertises
A face like Redford .. and a soul like Jesus
A great big brain like Albert Einstein ..
and jeans ... by Calvin Klein! ..
3. Well, the man said, "Fine! Let me tellyou, cousin ..
You can order just one, but they're cheaper by the dozen.
Now .. I'm tellin' you the truth .. 'cause once you own 'em
it's no trick at all to just go and .. clone em ..
Then you'll have a supply of BLESSED EVENTS ..
complete with DNA recombanent.
And all of them are gonna look so slick
in their genes by WATSON and CRICK!
4. So, we ordered us a dozen .. and they all call me MOTHER.
But, I can't tell em one from the other!
They just hang around the house waitin' for their dinners ..
liftin' weights .. and forgivin' sinners ..
They're discussin' PORK BELLIES in scientific verbage.
Now, you'd think they could learn to take out the garbage!
How I wish they were a little less esoteric
and a lot .. more .. generic!
5. Now, Harold and me, we're gonna try once more ..
but THIS time .. we're gonna lock the door
and pray .. DEAR LORD .. if the occasion arises ..
all we ask is .. Won't you please suprise us ..
With a regular baby .. full of fits and notions ..
subject to diseases and human emotions ..
a one-of-a-kind unique little cuss ..
with genes designed by US!