The Taming of the Screw
By Jan Harmon
words and music © 1986
1. Two years, I'd been divorcéd. Still, all home repair I curséd!
And I swore, I'd sooner toss it .. than to fix some leaky faucet!
CHO: FIE! FIE! Diddle diddle die .. (repeat last live of verse)
2. But, my faucet, it did leaketh! And my hinges all did squeeketh.
My veneer, it did explodeth .. and my cornice did erodeth! CHO
3. One day, there was this gusher. I needed a new washer.
So I called on Handy John-o .. to help me get it on-o. CHO
4. He said, "Fair maid, 'tis plain-o .. you're using too much Drain-o.
With my little snake all snug-o .. your pipes I will unclog-o. CHO
5. Then, he did try in earnest .. to bolster up my cornice.
With his auger and stud-finder .. he did his best to mend 'er! CHO
6. I said, "John, you're a dandy plumber-o. But, you're a KLUTZ,
with a ball pene hammer-o.
And you're a wizard at the sink-o .. But your screwing,
it doth stink-o! CHO
7. So .. I showed him how some crack'll respond to a little Spackle.
And with his own screwdriver .. I taught him how to screw! CHO
8. Now we've pledged until forever-o .. be it fair or foul weather-o ..
He'll plumb the pipes, I'll handle the drill .. But the screwing
we'll do together-o! CHO